Thursday, May 14, 2009


"In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong." ~Job: 122

So, this week I got really upset, angry, sad, hurt, and just grieved some of the things that have been going on for me these last few months. I don't know where this hurt came from, but the floodgates just poured open.

Even though I had reason to be hurt 1 or 2 or 3 months ago, those real tears didn't come forth until now. I remember even thinking a few weeks back that I just wanted to get really mad. I wanted to be angry about my health problems and limitations, as I had seen others express, but I couldn't. Until now. From somewhere deep inside, it poured through.

It's interesting to me to see how people around you respond to it. Many times, they just try to give you some positive antedote to try to get you to move on and away from there. They tell you not to take things too personally or to let it go. Just hope that if they spin things positively you'll be alright. Now, I'm not talking about constant complaining about difficulties, or trying to get others to feel sorry for you, or dwelling on the negative, but for real sadness and just anger about the tough situations in our life and consequences of living in a fallen world. Many times we don't understand that this grieving is part of the process of moving on and leaving things behind us. I expressed all this anger to God, not to blame Him, but just to say, you know what, I've been pushing on and will continue to hope and strive to fight, but the reality is that it sucks. And I felt so much better afterwards and rejuvenated to continue the fight and to perservere with hope that things can be different. I can't change the past, but I can grieve it. The truth can hurt, but just like the Lord and Job, we can have anger and yet not sin.